Darian's first day at Daycare

Well this dreaded day has arrived. Today Darian started his first day at First Steps Parnell (http://www.kidicorp.co.nz/Home.aspx) and I have to say that this is the HARDEST thing I've ever had to do. We spent most of yesterday getting him organised, we went and bought him new clothes and whatever else we needed for him to get him ready for day care. And last night I got his bag packed, got all his bottles, formula and whatever else he needed together. And tried hard to get my head & heart in line cos they were both feeling and saying different things. In my head I know that he is going to be fine, I know that he will adapt & this is the best thing for him but my heart says he is my baby, a little boy who will think mum's abandoned him and left him with these strangers. Everytime I think of that my eyes well up! This is so unfair! Can't we fast forward to a week from now when he's used to this and in a routine and we're both ok with this arrangement? I know Darian is an adaptable & resilient boy and I'm sure he will excel and develop in leaps & bounds being in day care and his teahcers are amazing. They are so good with babies, and watching them with him assures me that he is in good hands, I guess it's only natural to feel this way. This morning he woke up at about 6.30am and I got him all ready and changed for the day ahead. Mum then took him to give him breakfast while Cam & I got ready. We then hit the road by 7.40am. He was good in the car until we got into traffic, the minute the car slowed down he got all grizzly. I managed to give him his dummy and he settled down. But then he started playing and "talking" to his toys and the dummy fell out of his mouth and out of his reach. He was unable to get it and I was unable to reach it so he cried for the last 5 minutes of the drive, although it seemed like an hour. There is nothing worse than not being able to comfort your baby. Eventually we got there and when we walked in he was all smiles and his usual self. He started playing with the toys and they had a book open on the floor which he darted for and wanted to play with. His teacher took him and played with him and he was fine, so I thought that would be the perfect time to leave. I gave her a run down of his routine, gave her his formula and nappies and bag, etc and started to leave. At that moment, he started to cry, for no reason! He went from happy-go-lucky to "snot-en-trane" (Afrikaans for snot & tears). I told her that he may be tired and want to sleep as it was his morning nap time, so she should try giving him his bottle and if that doesn't work his dummy. He settled down once he saw her grab his bottle so I thought before I start crying I better leave. I have never walked out of anywhere faster in all my life. I didn't want to look anyone in the eye and I didn't want to talk to anyone for fear of bursting into tears. I got into the car and broke down! I cried all the way to work and called Cameron in tears. I had to then call mum cos she gave me strict instruction to call once I was at work to give her a run down of the morning's events, but that didn't help either. Friends of our's, Dan & Emma Trotman have their son, Alex at the same day care. When we got in Alex was there already so it was a bit of a relief knowing that people we know trust the caregivers and teachers there. And Emma, knowing it was Darian's first day, contacted me to give me some more assurance that he would be fine. All in all, I know (in my head) that this is not doing him any harm but will only help him in his development and social skills but as a mum, this is tearing my heart in two. I just want to be there with him so he knows it's ok and mummy still loves him. Here are some pics of his first day... I picked him up at about 5pm that afternoon and he was all smiles and having a jolly old time. (I called about 3 times during the day and it took every ounce of self-control to not run to the day care at lunch time just to check up on him.) The reports were exceptional, one of the centre supervisors (Stephanie) could only tell me good things. She was amazed at how happy & smiley he is and how he adapted so quickly. One of his teachers (Mai-Lin) told me that he was very good except at nap time, she said she battled but he eventually went down for a nap in the morning and after lunch but hadn't had his afternoon nap. Needless to say, by the time we got into the car he was fast asleep and slept all the way home. When we got home he was his usual happy self so I know for a fact that he is well taken care of and happy at day care. Such a relief to know my boy is doing so good. Speaking to his teachers, I hear he had an amazing day